Monthly Archives: July 2011
You’ve heard the lament before: Women complain about men behaving like douchebags, yet they go back time and time again to the guy who doesn’t shower them with roses or worship the ground they walk on. Meanwhile, you’re trying your best to be Mr. Nice Guy and you end up in the “friend” category. So what gives? Why do nice guys finish last?
Nice guys don’t seem like good protectors
Maybe it goes back to the days of our cave-dwelling ancestors, but historically, men have always protected women. Nice guysdon’t seem like they can defend themselves, much less a woman. There might not be giant woolly mammoths trying to take us out, but there are still burglars and bad guys, and women want to feel like the guy they’re with can take care of them.
Nice guys try too hard
Nice guys put women on a pedestal, acting as if she’s some sort of goddess. They go overboard with their affection. They come on too strong, too quick. They put aside their own needs for her. Women are human, too, and we don’t want to be put on a pedestal that’s easy to fall off of.
Nice guys are predictable
Many people lead pretty predictable lives. They get married, have two kids, go to work, retire. Women don’t want to add to that by dating a guy who is going to be so predictable they know his every move. Everyone likes a little excitement and spontaneity. Women want to know that they’re going to have fun with the guy they’re with, not have a snooze fest.
Nice guys seem like doormats
Nice guys almost never speak up when something irks them and rarely state what they want or need for fear that conflict will result in losing their friend or girlfriend. Letting people walk all over you without setting up any boundaries signals that you probably don’t have a backbone. No spine equals no respect. It’s hard to respect a guy who lets other people treat him poorly. Plus, if you’re too afraid to rock the boat, it signals that you probably won’t stand up for her either. And that is not attractive to any woman.
Nice guys expect niceness
Nice guys expect that because they are so super-sweet that people should respond to them in kind. But the problem is they allow their own emotions and feelings to take a back seat, for the sake of other people, and when other people don’t reciprocate, they play the part of the victim. No woman wants to deal with a guy with a martyr complex. It was fitting for Joan of Arc, not the man you’re dating.
Nice guys seem fake
Nice guys can come across as being too nice. Even Nelson Mandelahad an edge. No one can be that saccharine sweet all the time unless they’re a saint. If you’re too nice to everyone who crosses your path, it comes across as fake, rather than genuine, niceness. You can’t like everyone or be happy in every situation, so if you find yourself putting on a perpetual happy face it might be time to re-examine your real feelings and let them show. It demonstrates that you’re a real person with actual feelings and not just interested in putting on an act.
Nice guys are not a challenge
Nice guys make it easy to dress in sweats and eat potato chips on the couch. You get the feeling they’ll never leave so you don’t bother to look good because you don’t think it will even matter. Women want to be with someone who is going to present a challenge; it keeps the relationship on its toes. Challenge our ideas, debate us, makes us work. It makes the relationship more interesting.
Nice guys seem insecure
Nice guys come across as so anxious to be liked and accepted that you never know if they actually like you or just want to be with you because you actually paid attention to them. On the other hand, to women looking for a quick egofix or just a free drink, nice guys read “sucker.” Nice guys are easy to take advantage of and score freebies from. You teach people how to treat you, so if you act insecure and needy, people (and that includes women) will treat you as such. Insecurity is a major turnoff.
Nice guys don’t seem like good lays
Being a nice guy hardly bodes well for being good in bed. Women enjoy being with a man who can take control and deliver the goods. Being soft, sweet and gentle all the time isn’t the sexiest vibe. A woman wants to know that a guy is going to ravish her, not treat her like a piece of china in bed.
Nice guys don’t behave like men
Nice guys think that by always asking her for her opinion they’re being sensitive, but many times they’re just being annoying. Women want a guy who can take charge and choose the restaurant, create a plan and make a decision. Always asking her to make a decision is irritating and makes you seem like you don’t have a pair of balls.
The bottom line? You don’t have to be an arrogant prick to land a hot babe, but you do have to have a backbone. You have to like yourself, feel confident and be able to stand up for yourself. Most women don’t really want a true bad boy, unless they’re mentally unstable. We just want a guy we can respect and who will respect us without kissing our ass 24/7. Women love a guy who treats them well, but we also love men with guts and the ability to speak up for themselves. Women want to feel protected and know that the guy they’re with will have their back, no matter what. Saying that women don’t like you because you’re a “nice guy” is a cop-out. Chances are it’s not simply because you’re nice; it’s because you’re behaving like a doormat.