Monthly Archives: July 2011

Bob Dylan’s Top 3 Words of Wisdom

1. Find what you love to do.
“A lot of people can’t stand touring but to me it’s like breathing. I do it because I’m driven to do it.”
I think this is a first step that many of us have a big problem with. Or just forget about. Because when you find something you really love to do it doesn’t seem like work that much anymore.
When you do something you love you don’t have to push yourself so much. You keep going because you like doing it, not just because your want to reach some goal (although that can be exciting too). Taking action also becomes natural when you doing something you really want to do. A lot of the time you can’t wait to get going with it.
So the problem many of us encounter may not be that we don’t know enough tips to keep ourselves motivated to keep going. The problem may be that we are working on the wrong thing all together.
So do you find out what you really want to do?
I certainly don’t have all the answers for that one, but one tip is just to explore life.
To just try things out and see what you love. It’s easy to have theories about what you or may not like. But you never know until you have tried it for a while in real life.
2. Understand that success is today too.
“A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.”
When you read about success it often seems like something you should work towards. Something there in the distant future.
This way of thinking can lead to many ups and downs. Sometimes you feel really good and are working towards what you want in an effective way. Sometimes you feel like doing nothing. It can become a rollercoaster.
But one of the most important parts of success in area of your life is simply consistency. To get up in the morning each day and do what you know is right in your life.
Working out instead of coming up with excuses not to. Being kind and open instead of closing up and gossiping or trying to put someone down or making them wrong in an interaction or just in your head simply to feel better about yourself. Pushing a bit outside of your comfort zone instead of staying inside it and feeling safe.
How you live today and each today is very much connected to the most fundamental goals people have in life. To be healthy. To be effective and get the most important things done. To raise self esteem and self confidence and keep it at a high level (things that to a large part comes from taking responsibility for each day in your life and doing what you know is the right thing to do).
So success is not about what you do in a few inspired rushes towards the goal.
Things take time. Often more time than you might think. So keep an eye on where you are going. But keep your focus on the process instead of that alluring goal. Do it by making today and each day a success.
3. Life is change.

“There is nothing so stable as change.”
As humans, we often want to feel safe. We want certainty. And for a while we may think we have it. And then something always comes along to knock that feeling out of us.
So there is a superstition of safety. This is not just something negative though. It’s also created by your mind so you can function in life. No point in going all paranoid about what could happen a minute from now day in and day out. But there is also not that much point in clinging to an illusion of safety. So you need to find balance where you don’t obsessed by the uncertainty but also recognize that it is there and live accordingly.
As you stop clinging to your safety life also becomes a whole lot more exciting and interesting. You are no longer as confined by an illusion and realize that you set your limits for what you can do and to a large extent create your own freedom in the world. You are no longer building walls to keep yourself safe as those walls wouldn’t protect you anyway.
If you want to grow and move forward it’s not only essential to get used to the thought of life as changing and unknown but also to let go of the past. When you let go of the past and old self-images then change becomes so much easier to handle. And growing becomes easier too.
Because if your goal is to get fitter, then when you let go of a self-image of being unhealthy and instead stick to the one where you are healthy you stop working against yourself. Your actions, thoughts and self-image are now aligned. And so doing the right things by eating healthy food and working out becomes the natural thing rather than something you have to push yourself to do every day.

Nice Guys

You’ve heard the lament before: Women complain about men behaving like douchebags, yet they go back time and time again to the guy who doesn’t shower them with roses or worship the ground they walk on. Meanwhile, you’re trying your best to be Mr. Nice Guy and you end up in the “friend” category. So what gives? Why do nice guys finish last?

Nice guys don’t seem like good protectors

Maybe it goes back to the days of our cave-dwelling ancestors, but historically, men have always protected women. Nice guysdon’t seem like they can defend themselves, much less a woman. There might not be giant woolly mammoths trying to take us out, but there are still burglars and bad guys, and women want to feel like the guy they’re with can take care of them.

Nice guys try too hard

Nice guys put women on a pedestal, acting as if she’s some sort of goddess. They go overboard with their affection. They come on too strong, too quick. They put aside their own needs for her. Women are human, too, and we don’t want to be put on a pedestal that’s easy to fall off of.

Nice guys are predictable

Many people lead pretty predictable lives. They get married, have two kids, go to work, retire. Women don’t want to add to that by dating a guy who is going to be so predictable they know his every move. Everyone likes a little excitement and spontaneity. Women want to know that they’re going to have fun with the guy they’re with, not have a snooze fest.

Nice guys seem like doormats

Nice guys almost never speak up when something irks them and rarely state what they want or need for fear that conflict will result in losing their friend or girlfriend. Letting people walk all over you without setting up any boundaries signals that you probably don’t have a backbone. No spine equals no respect. It’s hard to respect a guy who lets other people treat him poorly. Plus, if you’re too afraid to rock the boat, it signals that you probably won’t stand up for her either. And that is not attractive to any woman.

Nice guys expect niceness

Nice guys expect that because they are so super-sweet that people should respond to them in kind. But the problem is they allow their own emotions and feelings to take a back seat, for the sake of other people, and when other people don’t reciprocate, they play the part of the victim. No woman wants to deal with a guy with a martyr complex. It was fitting for Joan of Arc, not the man you’re dating.

Nice guys seem fake

Nice guys can come across as being too nice. Even Nelson Mandelahad an edge. No one can be that saccharine sweet all the time unless they’re a saint. If you’re too nice to everyone who crosses your path, it comes across as fake, rather than genuine, niceness. You can’t like everyone or be happy in every situation, so if you find yourself putting on a perpetual happy face it might be time to re-examine your real feelings and let them show. It demonstrates that you’re a real person with actual feelings and not just interested in putting on an act.

Nice guys are not a challenge

Nice guys make it easy to dress in sweats and eat potato chips on the couch. You get the feeling they’ll never leave so you don’t bother to look good because you don’t think it will even matter. Women want to be with someone who is going to present a challenge; it keeps the relationship on its toes. Challenge our ideas, debate us, makes us work. It makes the relationship more interesting.

Nice guys seem insecure

Nice guys come across as so anxious to be liked and accepted that you never know if they actually like you or just want to be with you because you actually paid attention to them. On the other hand, to women looking for a quick egofix or just a free drink, nice guys read “sucker.” Nice guys are easy to take advantage of and score freebies from. You teach people how to treat you, so if you act insecure and needy, people (and that includes women) will treat you as such. Insecurity is a major turnoff.

Nice guys don’t seem like good lays

Being a nice guy hardly bodes well for being good in bed. Women enjoy being with a man who can take control and deliver the goods. Being soft, sweet and gentle all the time isn’t the sexiest vibe. A woman wants to know that a guy is going to ravish her, not treat her like a piece of china in bed.

Nice guys don’t behave like men

Nice guys think that by always asking her for her opinion they’re being sensitive, but many times they’re just being annoying. Women want a guy who can take charge and choose the restaurant, create a plan and make a decision. Always asking her to make a decision is irritating and makes you seem like you don’t have a pair of balls.

The bottom line? You don’t have to be an arrogant prick to land a hot babe, but you do have to have a backbone. You have to like yourself, feel confident and be able to stand up for yourself. Most women don’t really want a true bad boy, unless they’re mentally unstable. We just want a guy we can respect and who will respect us without kissing our ass 24/7. Women love a guy who treats them well, but we also love men with guts and the ability to speak up for themselves. Women want to feel protected and know that the guy they’re with will have their back, no matter what. Saying that women don’t like you because you’re a “nice guy” is a cop-out. Chances are it’s not simply because you’re nice; it’s because you’re behaving like a doormat.